Catching a Bully by it's horns

What is bullying? In what forms do you encounter bullying? At what age can you expect bullying to happen? Have you ever been bullied? More importantly, are you a bully?

You may find answers to the first three questions on Google. The last two are the ones you’d have to answer based on your experience. Provided you were aware of what was happening to you. Unless you look at it as just a “part of life” and “growing up”

There are many forms of bullying, happening at probably all ages of life. Now, there is Cyber Bullying. Where hurting you mentally and emotionally is not limited by geography!

But there are ways it could have been prevented. By empowering the bullied. And sensitizing the bully.

And it starts at a very early age. Take an instance that I came across –

A child of 4 years had recently lost a grandparent. She attends daycare. She has been complaining lately that she doesn’t want to go there. The reason being everyone teases her. It seems she has been crying in daycare and another child would imitate her crying. The other children soon joined him and all of them were imitating her and laughing at her. The teacher, instead of intervening, told her that her crying gives the teacher a headache.

Just imagine a scenario if the teacher had to adult up and asked the child why was she crying. That it is okay to cry. Crying is one of the healthiest ways to express pain. And she was being brave and healthy by expressing. The teacher could have told the other children what was upsetting their classmate. She could have asked them to practice empathy by leading through example.

Instead, it seemed like everyone ganged up against the child and made her feel more vulnerable and confused than ever.

This is just one of the many incidents that happen in our everyday life. As parents, we bully our children into eating their food or behaving in a certain “desired” way. As siblings, the older ones bully the younger ones into doing their bidding. This doesn’t seem like a big deal and often is accepted as a norm. Probably. The thing is that the “bullied” has feelings and they get hurt. There may be times when they believe that they are only meant to serve others and do what others say else they won’t be accepted.

You may argue that in Families, we do it out of love. But it also translates into the bullied understanding that THIS is how love is supposed to be like. There may be no ill intentions within family members but the effects of bullying are always there.

Because of the precedence set, it continues into school and college and work life and then into personal relationships. The bullied is the type that is vulnerable and maybe unsure of themselves. While the bully is the one who is over-assertive and pushes others around. Or uses harsh words or fists to get their way.

Imagine, as parents or teachers if we communicate, negotiate, have conversations and treat our children as individuals whose opinions and actions matter and we show that by listening and respecting them…

Yes, set boundaries. But offer choices within those boundaries.

We’d have a future generation of individuals who’d know how to be assertive without being pushy, sensitive and empathetic, confident in their own skins and actually be kind to the World.